On "missing" high school

More than six months out and the topic is already starting to feel weird. High school was a large medley of experiences. Gosh dang, it was 4 years of some of the most important growth that you can have in your life. It’s when you stop being so ignorant, it’s when you find out what true friends are like, it’s when you work hard, or not, and kind of get what you give in. Now, obviously it’s not the only time in your life when these things are happening. These things are really always happening. But I’ve realized that in high school it was so unavoidably magnified. Everything had the ability to feel so large, so deep, and important. And then you also had the ability to just not care. For most people, this came towards the end. But it was just how it was to you then, doesn't mean either was bad.

 High school had you there, with the same people every day. And while some people felt this was a terrible burden on the enjoyment of their grade school years, or felt they didn`t even know the hundreds of people they shared the building with –I was lucky enough to feel something different. I went to a fine arts school (LFAS) that had about 90-100 people in the grad class. It was small enough to feel like a community. And I feel like it was one of, if not the very most, treasured places I`ve been. LFAS was literally a home to me, and I can think this even more looking back now. At a true home, you wake up, sleepy eyed, and get asked how you are. At home, you feel familiar and friendly with people you meet, passing in the hallway and smiling. At home, you feel comfortable.  And a lot of people have said that it is college or university where you first meet your real friends, but my high school experience was so rich that I think I have that check list down. 

We had a mashup of people from all over the lower mainland of our province coming together because they liked to create. We had a school that let us do something from the back of our brain, pull it out, and express ourselves. And to be honest, I think that it`s something a lot of people took for granted. They didn`t realize how special it was. And of course it was hard, it was high school, we all had academics and our own personal issues to deal with. But we got at least 75 minutes every day where we could, if we took advantage of it, just work on something worthwhile.  And when you did get everyone to come together and accomplish something it felt so magical. I was a drama major.  It was about standing behind the curtain, waiting for the lights to come up, and then meeting your friend on stage. And this part is somewhat forgettable to me. The feeling goes blank and I can`t describe it other than saying it just felt good. But I do clearly remember coming off stage, running around, or something, with that connecting feeling like, ``Shit! We pulled it off!`` and that feeling is something that connects myself with those other twenty something individuals in my class indefinitely. We each know how each other felt in that moment. We shared it. And that is special. It's so special.

It feels weird now, because high school has become just a memory. It feels fogged out, it feels far off. It is something I don’t know if I miss. But now, I can look back and point out what was meaningful. I don`t think I really wished it away, but I realized that it was moving fast, and I was done with it before it was over. So now I know what it`s like to feel graduated. I know that summer won’t feel the same ever again. Whether you liked it or not, when everything is concluded in your mind, high school was precious. It represents a time when you were innocent and then who you became by the end of it, what those years did with you. So romanticize the shit out of it, or brush it off like it was nothing. You`ve got your whole life ahead of you now.

On embracing alone time

Lately I have had a lot of obligatory time out of the house. When that mode creeps in, it’s easy for free time to become less about me time. You know what I’m talking about, when for every single day off work you want to make big plans, ignoring the fact that you’re already super busy and unfortunately this will now add to the busy feeling. It sucks. So we have to find time to wind down now, and breathe all of that out.

Of course, spending time alone makes you a stronger individual. But it extends heavily from there. You are the center of your consciousness; you have to start with you in order to make everything else work out all dandy. I think that’s pretty universal, without being able to have time to reflect and chill with you, you can become mentally drained. Whatever your passion is, that will probably dictate what makes time alone most valuable. Or you could do nothing with yourself and feel happy as well.  If you’re feeling uninspired and odd about being alone, like its a weird blind date... ALONE TIME IS THE BEST THING. as I said, YOU COULD EVEN DO NOTHING WITH YOURSELF, AND HAVE A SWELL TIME. The only person you'll have to impress here is you, what a relief! The truth is, as busy as you keep yourself, you will still have moments of being like "hey, who am I?" You can make yourself happier by filling these passing thoughts with a little exploration. They could become an infectious problem problem otherwise. So rather than fighting that you are the only person who can answer the question of who you are, embrace it. Don't ignore those feelings when you have the power to be a solution. Some time alone will force you to do something that will help you explore and know yourself better.

It’s good to silence the outside perspective. It’s good to find hobbies that feel unique to you. It’s good if you start the day feeling lonely, and then forget about it because you’re content with what you are doing. It’s good to become friends with yourself first.